Selasa, 7 Ogos 2012

Jangan Tinggalkan Aku.

Waktu-waktu dulu , yang aku biasa buat dengan dia makin lama makin pudar dalam ingatan. Aku bukan lupa dekat dia. Aku bukan buat taktahu dekat dia. Aku cuma takut bila aku luahkan perasaan Rindu ni , dia mungkin tak suka. Dia mungkin rasa janggal dengan perbuatan aku tu nanti. Dia mungkin geli dan jijik dengan diri aku. Dia mungkin akan cakap "Aku Tak Perlukan Kau Lagi Dalam Hidup Aku". Aku cuma boleh berharap dengan ketiadaan aku nanti , hidup dia sentiasa ceria. Hidup dia sentiasa di penuhi dengan kegembiraan. Hidup dia sentiasa ada yang menyayanyi. Hidup dia pasti ada setiap kenangan indah. AMIN.

Zaman percintaan dulu-dulu bagi aku satu kenangan yang seronok sebenarnya. Dengan gelak ketawa yang macam pontianak mengilai , guling-guling atas lantai rumah bila surat yang di hantar dekat seseorang yang kita suka , di balas dengan baik , senyum memanjang dekat sekolah bila seseorang yang kita suka bagi kita tempat dulu dalam bas sekolah , makan tak kenyang , tidur tak lena , mandi tak basah  dan bermacam-macam perangai lagi. Alah , tu waktu dulu. Waktu kita muda-muda dulu kann? Waktu yang kita sendiri pun taktahu apa itu CINTA. Apa itu LOVING-LOVING. Apa itu RINDU. Kita mungkin suka dekat seseorang tu sebab dia ada tulisan yang lawa , sebab dia ada rambut yang cantik , beg sekolah dia ada roda , pencil case dia gambar One Direction , rambut dia macam K-Pop , kuku dia warna-warni , baju sekolah dia ada bermula dengan huruf Z , sama macam nama kita , sebab ayah dia ada Lamborghini atau sebab-sebab lain. Apa yang kita tahu waktu dulu , tak sama dengan waktu sekarang. Fikiran mendewasakan kita. Cara kita bergaul , memberikan kita pandangan yang berbeza berbanding dengan waktu dulu. Cara kita bercakap dengan segelintir orang , berbeza apabila kita meningkat dewasa. Jangan mempertikaikan cara bercinta dulu , dengan sekarang. Ye , memang lain. Memang berbeza dengan waktu dulu. Memang tak sama dengan cara orang zaman melinium bercinta dengan sekarang. Tapi apa boleh buat? Kita kena bergerak lebih ke hadapan. Kita takboleh ikut cara dulu. Kita takboleh nak ambil dua botol kaca , lepas tu kita gesel-gesel kan , kita ketuk-ketuk semata-mata nak bagi awek/pakwe rumah sebelah keluar rumah dan marah kita macam dalam cerita P.Ramle dulu-dulu. Kita takboleh nak letak surat cinta kita dalam botol kaca , lepas tu kita hanyutkan dekat sungai atau tasik dengan harapan akan ada orang yang baca surat kita tu. Mungkin orang akan cakap "Kau Ni OldSkool La. Zaman Dah Berubah Bro , Otak Kena Pintar , Cara Pemikiran Kau Kolot" Hm , biarlah dia. 

Don’t let them see you cry. I’m honestly just trying to figure out who I am.I have no idea what I’m doing.Some days are great, some not so great.Every day just feels like a war.Nobody seems to notice.I’m so tired of people judging me for a few mistakes I’ve made.I just want somebody to love me.Scrolling through people’s blogs and feeling sad. Sad that their blog happens to be an expression of how they are feeling, thinking, behaving and living. I just wish they could see there’s a better way. They are crying out and nobody is hearing them. Nobody understands.
I was there once. I hated that place. It was cold, shallow, dark. LONELY, HOPELESS. Nobody deserves to be stuck there. No matter how bad your past, you deserve better.

You know What bothers?

Okay, I do not open up A LOT to my friends, Its not because I don't trust them, I know they Won't judge or anything...
But sometimes, You need to talk to a relative, Or someone Closer to that, So that they could understand you more Or sometimes it's about bonding with them, advice, or something..
I know, I maybe probably AM THE WORST person ever!
& I know most think of me as "Another one of those messed up teenagers"
But I'd like to be understood for once...
You see...
I don't won't to sound mean, or rude. & I Don't mean to offend you.
But I'm Gonna have to be "Very Blunt" with this..
But Before I do Set a couple of things up..
Here's what YOU should know about me..
This is Probably the first time, I could actually Go public with such a thing...
But hey, It's High time I open up!


As an Individual, I could tell you.
I am very loyal to those who are Loyal to me..
I Do not trust easily, I have got Horrible mood swings, & I am most likely to Ruin Every Relationship & Every other thing..
I have got Social Anxiety, I dislike Socialising, I get Very Anxious..
I dislike eating, It's probably everyday where I Sleep while having tears flow out of my eyes!
& Not one day I can remember where I've woken up without the thought of dying & Ways to leave the face of earth!
I Have ALWAYS Craved Disappearance & Yet I LIVE For existence.
I hate Attention, I hate People staring at me. Why? 'cause It scares me to know that those people around me, Are either talking crap, Hating or God only knows..
I've Had tons of people, Lying, Backstabbing etc.. Me.
Anyways, enough with my side...
Through everything that I Have been through.
Even though I constantly Breakdown, I could tell you one thing!
Not one Person has ever & I Mean it ever... Made me think of myself as "Useless"

There are three Majors!
They are;
  • Trust.
  • Honesty.
  • Friendship.


Life; The interval of time between birth and death.
Suicide; The act or an instance of intentionally killing oneself.
Sometimes, you get Stranded on a thin string of life, Where you're balancing between, Living the life you're Currently living; Or Committing Suicide to see the other life you want to live..
or better yet, thinking that the "other" Life would is an escape from the terrible life you are living..


Dear Readers;
I know I haven't blogged in a long time..
I just haven't been myself...

If you think it won't, You're wrong.. 
Yea people will hurt you, Make you feel worthless, & Call you names! 
BUT SCREW THEM! You aren't what they say! 
YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO THEM? 
You are you & NO ONE CAN CHANGE THAT! 

Yes, Life is tough.. 
I don't blame you for wanting to give up your life. 
But note that, 
Giving up your life, Committing Suicide Is a SIN A BIG SIN! 
Allah might never forgive you for that... 

& Allah will not be on your side... 
He has given you a life... 
& If you're wondering WHY THE HELL HAS GOD MADE ME & GIVEN ME THIS LIFE I'm Living... 
Most definitely 'cause He expects you to find a way out! 
Just remember It's all in Allah's hands... Allah
 chooses the day to take you.



Note to self; 
  • Be patient,
  • Smile,
  • Relax, 
  • Enjoy
  • There is so much ahead of you! 
Live life, love life, Laugh to everything-