Sabtu, 30 Ogos 2014

A Memorable Trip to Teluk Kemang.

Hello guys and girls. Basically, based on the title above, I should have updated this long ago. But I've had had some restrictions along the way so it couldn't be done. This should have been posted on the day the event ended. Sorry for posting this entry after it had ended so long. I'd like to start this entry with a message to Azrai "Sayang, I know you are busy with SPM, I totally understand it. I want you to strive the best and be great. Day or night, I will always miss you sayang. You take care and be nice, be a good boy and I love you for the rest of my life". So, everybody, dated on 03/08/2014, on Sunday, Me, Popo and Adele wickedly started our journey from Sunway Pyramid heading to Port Dickson. Adele was our driver since Me and Popo don't know how to drive. We don't even have license. Anyway, we were so stoked to go there. Cause honestly, it is quite obvious that this was our first kinda trip-travelling-look-alike that we all had. So, it had to be good. It started great along the way there. We were singing. Adele was hysterically laughing all the way there. Popo and I, we pretty have done a good job in sustaining Adele's energy. Cause we all know, Adele is one-moped up son of a bitch. He would surely fall asleep or maybe drive fucking slow or anything annoyance that will surely emerged. 

Actually,  I was very excited at first. Really excited. Well, who doesn't. We have princess Blue Whale ( Adele ) and Yogi Bear herself ( Popo ). This must get wild right? It felt better when all of us sing, taking pictures and even fucking around outside the window. That was me. Literally, I would love to fuck a bitch. I was that wild. They couldn't even control the devil inside of me. I was about to get so wild, my dick was so wet. I erected all over the parts. Popo, for quite some times, stayed quite. She probably didn't have the energy enough to catch up. Well, we all know, Popo is someone who will entirely get fucked up tired after being hype up. Blowing out every car in our way. Adele literally, almost over-limited the speed. I looked at the speed meter, and good God it almost hit 200kmj. This bitch was not playing around. But yeah, Popo and I had a great time in the car. We also chased down some hunks along the way. Whenever we see one, we literally go pass by them and just drive besides them just to get up and close attention. Adele was the one with the eagle eye. He detailed everything. Even us, couldn't see it that fast. There were many cars even bikers got chased down. Might possibly, that is single life. It literally portrayed us as the characters in it. I mean, those two have big fat asses but me, on the dark side, is fucked up just on that part. It was not that good. To be having some trolls fooling my skinny ass. 

Fortunately, we got there around good time. I think, as I remembered, it was around 4pm. It was a sunny day. Sun shone brightly our skin looked like a gold chocolate bar. We arrived at Teluk Kemang. Firstly, my expectations for Teluk Kemang was, there would be a lot of fucking people, fucking around, half-naked along side the sea course. You know, families, picnics, sand-castles. But, it turned me down. Teluk Kemang was not that great. Adele said, it probably Port Dickson had a better water. Well hunny, it don't matter. I want to see people. Not that I won't be acting so desperate looking for a mate but yeah, it was inconvieniently left me speechless. I supposed my aim of finding a gorgeous mate could have been at somewhere else 'nicer' and 'less tacky' than Teluk Kemang. But, pass on to Adele and Popo whose life lived on like forever by the water. They literally swam like a free rat. I mean, not  that they acted ratty or what, it's just that seemingly awful. So as to what I've noticed. They had so much fun and there was me, walking by the sea, taking pictures, random pictures, watching and glorifying the beauty of sunshine in that beautiful evening. So, I've heard. Presumably, it hadn't been that great for myself indeed at Teluk Kemang. Those two wildly interacted in the water. Good God! Meanwhile, what should I do to keep myself entertain by the sea, along and miserable? Now that is a shocker. Well, when they finished touring the water, we got back in the car. Had some ice-creams before that. It has been a long time we haven't had ice-cream together. Well, not to myself, I craved for it. Bought for them too and we had pleasure exfoliating the ice-cream that literally Popo was left hanging with hunger of it. But we continued the journey to Port Dickson. While we were on the way, I expected some beautiful sceneery, more people and atleast some small canteen to eat. 

Ahad, 24 Ogos 2014

Thank You Malaysians.

Helloo! Yes Yes! I'm back. Anyways, it has been a great month for me and for everyone else. On this August, usually, Malaysians will be celebrating our most memorable date in ourlives ever and that is The Independence Day ( Hari Kemerdekaan ). But, as far as I'm concerned, this year, as to what I know and hear, there will be no ceremony or any outdoor activity openly on the 31st of August. I'm shocked! At first, it was a shocker. My friends told me and I completely misunderstood. But, apparently, as to whole world has known, the tragic tragedy that happened on our Malaysia Airlines MH17 that has been shot by some cold-hearted imbecile. Yes! We are all mad! But, we all know, the most priority goes to those who died and we will be remembering and honouring every single one of them no matter who they are. This tragedy will be one of Malaysia's darkest and saddest part of our histories past or presence. We all know that the people who died are all our brothers and sisters. Whether in any form of shape or skin colour or anything, there is no race, no religion, no classes, no sexual orientation that makes us better than anyone else. We all derserving of love and I would like to thank every Malaysian, no matter yo'all come from, for being so nice with each other, for being supportive and respectful on what had happened, and for proving that we all can stand together and unite as 1 Malaysia. Thank you and thank you for all the love and care. 

Khamis, 14 Ogos 2014

I Think I Lost Him

Well, to be really honest, since Eid, our relationship has been jacked up. Like seriously jacked up. Forget ups and downs. Literally, everything decreased from me and from Azrai. No more love texts. I mean, sweet, long love texts. No more calls. Just a chat. A simple short-timed chit chat in which on the other is due to my first move texting him in the first place. Why do I need to do everything first than him? No no, I'm not saying that I detest everything I do for him whether it got to be me doing it first or not. To clear things up, Azrai, since he got back to Melaka, and until Eid is fucking finished ( Presumably, on the 7th day ), he never shown me any sort of caring behaviour. He was like stopping to text me. Ignoring every texts I sent him. I don't know if he was too busy with many things back there, but at least please find a time for me. Don't fool me. Do not fool me and tell me that you didn't have anytime at all. Humans rest fucker!! You see, these sort of problems are actually such a beast.  It kill me to do and focus on everything cause on my mind, there is only him.

I remember the first day he went back to hometown, he told me that he will spend so much time with his family. Look, I'm no expert to guess what you do there but thank God, I still can accurately assume from my instinct, what you would do if I would have not texted him in a first place. As far as I'm concerned, the only thing that attracts me happily is that Azrai treats me nicely. Understands me. When I say, I love you, I mean it. Love me irreplacebly. Give me tender and affection. But now, everything is changed. Changes that are not entirely expected from me. He strayed off from my mind day by day. I try so much not to lose him. For God's sake, the efforts that I put into having him still with me and loving him more and more despite what mentally and physically abusemenst he has done to me, are priceless. Since Eid, he has changed a lot. A lot! I understoond from the first day he went back hometown how drastic his act would have been. That was the alert arm. It has rung many time throughout Eid and until now. Azrai kept making excuses that are for me, is diabolical. 

The word 'ABIY' he used to call me, is  no longer playing in any text. Pasts were the times we had fun. And pasts were the times, though me and him are so distanced, we managed to work everything out. And pasts said it all. Now, in this presence time, it is unlikely to see 'Abiy' appeares in his text. I know, I always play the victim. I have to 'find' him everytime. On any random circumstances, I am the one that have to 'find' him in the first place. I'm not condemning. I'm not telling that I'm tired of doing that. For Azrai, I would do anything for him if it takes life between the thinnest line to have him with me, yes I would do. Cause I love him so much. And on that particular part, I just need him to know that I might be resting for awhile. I may be having a lonely time. That my day has been fucked up. So I need him back. I need Azrai to 'find' me and tell me everything that is going on in his days. That type of caring and loving gesture, are the needs for me. In my pasts, I had to fight for my lovers. I faught for them to stay. Loved them with all my heart. I had to sacrifce, God knows what. Everyfuckingthing, was so damned. And now, with Azrai, I hate to do that to him. I don't want that to happen on him.

Since my last brokeup, I think, 2-3 years ago, I vowed myself to not have any relationship. I'm the relationship I need for myself. But then I met Azrai on Instagram. ( I will update our first meet on the next entry ). Coming from where we started clapped eyes on each other, I find Azrai to be the most loved person I ever had and I ever loved. In my perspective and personal life cases, for every person and every unkown stranger whom I've met in the past, just to top my point in the previous sentence, Azrai tops every living thing. Seriously, nobody has ever done this to me. Yes we fight. And yes I've beaten him. And yes Azrai was swollen on his parts of his body. I beat the shit out of him. ( I'll tell why I did that on the next entry ). Having said that, the agony I had when I did that to him, was painful. I lost self-control. If I hadn't controlled it, Azrai was a dead man. You see, I know we faught, I know I've sworn at him many times, but that don't stop me a single second, from loving him.  I guess, Azrai has already met someone else.

Khamis, 10 Julai 2014

Ahmad Azrai bin Abdullah.

You know, we never what will happen in the future. We have thoughts of it, but to know what's coming, is one tough act. Take it from a perspective where everything was a beautiful sceenery, apart from having shitty friends, fake smile, horrendous life plans, I would like to be distance from my typical thinking. You know, like when everything I see, I would relate them with something in which by not any means, gonna be the same thing over and over and over again. 
Well, I just realized that  it has been soooooooooooooooooooo long since my last update. The last enrty I wrote was about my experiences during New Year's Eve. Well, that happened. And that happened so much longer ago. I hate to recall. 

Since my blog is a 100% fully written in Bahasa and this is actually my second entry, in which I technically write in  English, I would like to stay to my old style of writing. Is that okay for you guys? Hm, memandangkan aku dah lamaaaaaa tak update blog, kalini, apart from telling stories about this years' new year's eve, or my reenactment of Simon Cowell's criticism which I posted on Instagram, or this year's horrible accidents in Malaysia or maybe anything tacky from our beloved non-stop crisis in Parliament today in which on the other hand is due to the lack of commitment from everbody. So, kalini aku nak cerita sikit pasal hidupppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp!!! 

Aku taknak cerita panjang panjang, sebab entry kalini aku dah nekad nak buat simple simple je. Sebab this is my first entry of 2014. Like ever! Can you believe that! Hm-hm, aku pun sebenarnya, akan update more entries after this. It is like so to say, "I'm officially back blogging bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Macam tu lah. So, you know, I'v been on my own for many long time. No love. No love pet. No love book. No love music. No love thought. No love call. Everything about love for the past, I don't know, a year ago, I'm the most down-sided, easily turned down human being in the sorta case. Yeah, I'm a shmuck. But, benda tu tak membuatkan aku mengalah. No no no. Aku tak mengalah. Maksud aku, aku taknak mengalah dalam hidup dan cari cinta. 

Several days a go, I met someone over in the internet. Alrighty then, on Instagram. Actually, it was like movement of a finger point. I was checking someone's list of followers and ended up seeing this beautiful profile. It was very instance. My heart told me not to be over-reacted. Cause you know, I'm a person who is easily hype-up. As I was scrolling down this person's profile, I'v been hooked. Beautiuful pictures. And stunning graphic. I clicked follow though. Without having any sense of follow back or atleast, a picture liked from this person, he actually commented on one of my videos. Well, I've posted a lot of videos, but this particular video was like a 18sx kinda dirty standard for kids. Whatever. So, he commented on my half-naked video. I didn't talk. I was only a song played in the back. I was holding my phone, holding it at the perfect angle that my body seemed arousing to the naked eye of humans. Lol.

I have been experiencing nights full of sweet thoughts, showers filled with bubbles, meals with the aftermath of pointing tummy, and many exotic things too.Too much actually, too much. He clicked my feeling though. I can't tell how much I adore this small cute guy. So, aku akan sambung yang lain in the entry okay? So far, this is the latest update. See you in the next update :) 

Selasa, 8 Januari 2013

Apa Yang Pergi ..... Biarkan Pergi

Assalamualaikum semua! Tak sangka kan , kejap betul masa berlalu? Tup-tup , dah masuk tahun 2013!!! Oh well , masa tu berlalu tanpa kita sedari. Aku taknak berleter panjang. Untuk post yang pertama bagi tahun 2013 ni , aku nak bercerita soal macam mana kita sebagai seorang hamba Allah SWT untuk belajar , melupakan perkara yang sudah berlalu. Well , post ni aku buat khas untuk arwah adik aku Allahyarham Zack Zuhairi bin Shamsuddin. Dia lah satu-satu adik lelaki aku yang aku ada. Aku betul-betul sayangkan dia dan sewaktu dia meninggal , aku tak sempat nak jumpa arwah. Tapi takpe , tu semua ada hikmah di sebaliknya. Aku akan tetap sayang dia , ingat dia sampai bila-bila dan aku akan sentiasa mendoakan dia di alam sana. 

Kawan-kawan , alangkah indahnya dunia ni kalau setiap perkara , setiap kata-kata , setiap niat kita itu dapat kita kongsikan dengan semua orang. Alangkah indahnya dunia ni kalau kisah percintaan kita , kisah derita kita , kisah bahagia kita dan kisah suram kita dapat di terima orang dan kita boleh menagih simpati dari orang lain. Bukan bermaksud untuk menjadi seorang yang tamak haloba dalam mengaut publisiti atau meraih simpati , tapi jika hidup kita ni , orang lain dapat tahu , dapat rasa macam mana kita rasa , orang lain mampu tolong kita dalam apa jua kesusahan , mesti seronok kan? Tapi ......... hidup ni tak selalu indah. Hidup ni tak selalu seperti apa yang kita inginkan. 

Haishh , aku rindu dengan semua kenangan waktu dulu :( Aku rindu kenangan dengan kawan-kawan aku dulu :( Aku rindu kenangan dengan cikgu sekolah aku dulu :( Aku rindu kenangan dengan semua orang :( Tapi aku percaya kalau kita ada kekuatan , kita ada dorongan dan kita ada hala tuju yang betul untuk apa yang kita buat , Insya-Allah , tu semua akan menjadi satu kenangan yang indah. Tidak kira lah samada betapa buruknya kenangan tu dulu. Kawan-kawan , takkan pernah ada seorang pun manusia di atas muka bumi untuk tidak menyesali pemergian insan yang di sayangi. Well , benda dah terang-terang kan? Sebab kita semua ada perasaan. Perasaan sedih di mana kita kehilangan orang yang di sayangi , di rindui , orang yang kita selalu jumpa tiap-tiap hari , orang yang selalu kita tegur dekat sekolah tiap-tiap hari , mahupun orang yang kita peluk , cium sebelum kita sekolah tiap-tiap hari :(  Segala apa yang kita ada , satu hari nanti akan musnah sampai bila-bila. Kalau sekarang , kita ada segala-galanya yang kita mahukan , tak mustahil satu hari nanti kita akan hilang segala-galanya yang kita inginkan. 

Biarlah  apa yang pergi , pergi selamanya. Tak elok nak kenang benda lama. Kita mengenang benda lama sebagai satu titik tolak untuk kita mengubah diri kita , persepsi kita , pemikiran kita terhadap dunia , orang lain , mahupun sesiapa sahaja. Kita mengenang benda lama , agar kita jadi seorang individu yang lebih pintar , lebih bijak mengatur langkah , menyusun kata-kata dalam setiap hari , setiap saat hidup kita. Kita mengenang benda lama adalah sebagai satu gambaran dan pedoman agar segala yang berlalu itu , jangan pernah di ulangi lagi dan semoga kita serta semua orang jadi lebih baik dari segala benda lama tersebut. 

Aku selalu nasihat diri aku dan kawan-kawan aku semua:
"Apa yang kita buat , buat dengan elok. Kalau rasa benda tu tak elok , kita takpayah buat. Jangan sebab kita ragu-ragu , kita nak mencuba. Mencuba tu tak salah , tapi kadang-kadang , jangan terlalu memakan diri sendiri. Biar kita tak di kenali orang , asalkan kita tahu mengenang. Biarlah kita takde beribu kawan sekalipun , asalkan kita tahu macam mana untuk menghargai. Bila sunyi , jangan cuba untuk buat perkara tak elok. Dekatkan diri dengan Allah SWT. Kalau kita lemah , jangan berputus asa. Kita tahu kita kuat sebab kita memang kuat dan Allah SWT ciptakan manusia bukan atas sebab kita lemah , tapi adalah untuk uji kekuatan kita dalam menempuh ujian hidup" 

Selasa, 27 November 2012

Be Strong!

Assalamualaikum semua! Sihat? Aku harap semua sihat-sihat belaka. Alhamdulillah. Kawan-kawan , Sejarah ada masa silam kita. Kita takboleh ulang sejarah dulu-dulu melainkan kita ada kuasa untuk melakukan perkara tersebut. Tapi aku rasa so far teknologi moden zaman sekarang memang takde lagi di ciptanya mesin pemutar masa. Masa silam kita dulu-dulu hanyalah satu kenangan. Kenangan di mana kita boleh ambil sebagai satu pengajaran buat kita dan orang lain. Tak kiralah kenangan tu satu kenangan yang manis ataupun pahit. Hm , semua tu terjadi dengan izin Allah kan? Dan , segala yang terjadi tu ada hikmah di sebaliknya. Setiap orang atas muka bumi ni , menginginkan satu kenangan yang dia boleh ingat sampai bila-bila. Well , tu semua atas segala yang kita buat.

  • Tangan kita lah yang tolong makcik tu angkatkan barang dia pergi pasar. 
  • Tangan kita yang curi pensel kawan kita sewaktu dia pergi tandas lepas tu bila dia masuk kelas balik , kita pura-pura taktahu bila dia cari pensel dia yang hilang tu.
  • Kaki kita lah yang pijak lipas tu sampai lenyek keluar otak segala anggota badan sebab taknak kekasih hati kita kononnya menjerit sebab ketakutan.
  • Kaki kita lah yang sepak bola tu sampai terkena cermin rumah makcik sebelah dan pecah bersepai sampai satu kawasan perumahan tu kecoh.
  • Telinga kita lah yang dengar ceramah daripada Ustaz kita dekat sekolah sampai kita menangis teresak-esak mengenangkan nasib ibu-bapa kita dulu-dulu
  • Telinga kita lah yang sibuk dengar lagu Justin Bieber , Carly Rae Jepsen , One Direction , Lady Gaga , Katy Perry , dan segala jenis lagu dalam dunia ni sampai kita lupa kewajipan kita sebagai seorang Muslim.
  • Mata kita lah yang tengok video Oppa Gangnam Style dekat Youtube sampai sanggup download dekat Laptop.
  • Mata kita lah yang tonton cerita Ombak Rindu lakonan Maya Karin dan Aaron Aziz sambil ada tisu dekat sebelah konon-konon fe-feeling jiwang nak nangis.
  • Mulut kita lah yang tak henti-henti berzikir nama Allah sehari semalam walaupun zikir kira tu hanya sedikit tapi ia cukup untuk membimbing kita.
  • Mulut kita yang mengeluarkan suara-suara sumbang cakap tak baik pasal orang lain punya salah sedangkan kita sendiri tak sedar diri dengan diri kita sendiri.
  • Hidung kita lah yang bau lauk orang rumah sebelah sampai menangis-nangis pegang kaki mak suruh masak lauk yang sama jugak.
  • Hidung kita lah yang tersumbat waktu malam atau waktu kita demam sampai nak bernafas pun takboleh dan ibu kita jugaklah yang tolong kita buang hingus kita.
  • Fikiran dan minda kita lah yang sentiasa berfikiran positif dan dapat menerima segala pendapat , kritikan dan teguran daripada orang lain sehinggakan kita mampu membina jati diri yang kuat dan teguh.
  • Fikiran dan minda kita lah yang sering memikirkan macam mana nak ubah hidup kita untuk jadi lebih baik dari sekarang dan kita nak ibu bapa kita hidup senang kan?
Kawan-kawan , memori dulu adalah satu pandangan dan gambaran yang dahlama kita buang jauh-jauh. Kita hidup sekarang dengan hidup kita sekarang dan apa yang kita buat sekarang adalah semuanya ketentuan dari Allah. Kalau takde sejarah , takkan ada segala yang ada sekarang ni. Aku pun pernah lalui macam-macam jenis sejarah , masa silam dan susah-payah waktu dulu-dulu. Aku nak sangat waktu dulu di mana :

  • Aku boleh pegang tangan kawan aku waktu beratur dekat perhimpunan sambil nyanyi lagu Negaraku.
  • Aku dapat gelak dengan kawan-kawan baik lama aku dalam kelas sambil main TERUP , main SNAP , main HAPPY FAMILY , main TUTUP BOTOL , main DAM , main ENJIT-ENJIT SEMUT sampai merah tangan kawan aku , main lawan-lawan IBU JARI , main KEJAR-KEJAR dalam kelas ( Tak main sep bebas , main patung , main jalan itik ) dan main BINGO sampai 10 orang satu meja dan orang yang kalah kena menari Zapin depan kelas.
  • Aku boleh lari satu padang dengan kawan aku sewaktu Hari Sukan Sekolah sampai terjatuh tersembam atas tanah sebab terlanggar batu.
  • Aku dapat pergi tandas ramai-ramai satu rombongan dengan kawan-kawan aku sambil jalan depan perempuan lepas tu saja gelak kuat-kuat bila sampai depan kelas diorang.
  • Aku mampu untuk tolong cikgu aku angkat buku pergi Bilik Guru kononnnya kesian tengok cikgu penat susah-payah mengajar anak murid tapi dalam hati nakkan Air-Cond tu.
  • Aku boleh tidur dengan kawan aku dalam satu khemah waktu perkhemahan sekolah , mandi sama-sama , solat sama-sama , makan dalam kumpulan , kena denda sama-sama dan berjaya pun sama-sama
  • Aku boleh nangis kuat-kuat dalam bilik aku sendiri sambil dengar lagu sedih sebab terkenangkan kucing aku yang dah mati waktu aku pindah rumah dulu. Dia kena hempap dengan kayu.
  • Aku boleh marah kawan aku dekat kantin dengan sekuat hati sebab dia tumpahkan kuah mee kari atas baju baru aku.
  • Aku berjaya memecahkan rekod aku sendiri sebagai pelajar paling kuat ponteng kelas tahun 2003.
  • Aku boleh conteng meja sekolah aku dan lukis gambar orang lidi pegang bola ataupun gambar rumah tepi pantai siap ada tangga , pokok bunga dekat sebelah dan selipar jepun di bawah rumah.
  • Aku pandai untuk mengira duit belanja aku yang ayah aku bagi dulu tapi sebenarnya duit tu untuk bayar hutang kawan aku belanja ais-krim waktu rehat hari sebelumnya.
  • Aku boleh jerit sekuat hati sampai satu sekolah dengar sewaktu SPM habis dan segala apa yang berkaitan dengan SPM , adalah satu kenangan silam buat aku.

Walau apa pun yang terjadi dulu , tu semua adalah ketentuan dari Allah SWT dan ketentuan tulah yang menjadikan kita , orang lain dan segala benda di sekeliling kita sebagai satu perkara dan gambaran daripada sejarah dulu-dulu. Aku faham. Setiap orang di antara kita menginginkan satu dalam sejuta kenangan yang dapat kita simpan dalam ingatan kita dan simpan elok-elok taknak bagi keluar untuk kita kenang selamanya. Aku pernah dengar seorang pakcik cakap "Bukan Senang Nak Senang". Bila aku dengar dia cakap macam tu , aku terus terfikir "Betul jugak pakcik ni cakap. Kalau kita nak senang , kita kena berusaha. Bukannya minum kopi , goyang kaki isap rokok sampai mati". Aku harap dengan apa yang ada sekarang , kita mampu untuk memberikan sejuta Kesyukuran kepada Allah SWT. Jangan lupa , sejarah lah yang membawa kita seperti apa yang kita ada sekarang.